| Going for a drive
was one of the few things that didn’t make Seth Johnson
feel like a complete loner in his new ‘gay’ reality.
In fact it gave him a sense of freedom, of purpose, despite
not having any particular destination in mind. Seth’s
mind was such a buzz of worries, doubts, and nagging feelings
of possible rejection, that it felt good to get away from
it all. Soon he was on the outskirts of town, doing just a
bit over the speed limit, noting how the summer breeze had
a slight chill in it; fall was just around the corner.
He decided it was probably around time to get back home.
He knew his father would be off work soon, and it was better
that he be around, just in case he decided to try and drown
his problems in beer and vodka. Seth felt bad for his dad,
but all that he could do was stick around and try to clean
up after the mess that he made. His dad was not known for
his subtlety when he was drunk, and tended to break things,
either by accident, or because he’d thrown them at Seth.
Seth’s father, Nate, used to be an incredible father,
and husband. But when his sister Carol had been stabbed in
a seemingly random act of violence, the rage that Nate felt
was inconsolable. That was when he started drinking. The loss
of his sister fueled this deep, dark part of Nate’s
soul, and he just seemed to lose it. Seth’s mother,
Claire, couldn’t take it anymore. She knew she had to
leave, and she hated doing it, but there was no way she could
live with him anymore. He was just a shell of a human being…he
looked the same on the outside, but there was no trace of
what he used to be on the inside.
Nate barely seemed to notice when Claire left him, deep down,
he understood, but he was still torn up about Carol’s
death, and he didn’t have time to worry about such a
silly thing like divorce. His work had given him a lot of
time off after her death, and he got even more during the
divorce, but when he finally did return to his job at the
steel plant, it just seemed to anger him more. He felt that
he didn’t have a purpose. He just had his mindless job.
So, a month later, he quit. Seth couldn’t bring himself
to face his father and make him understand how stupid he was
being, so he just went along with him silently.
Nate had gotten several jobs after he quit the steel plant,
but they had gotten progressively worse. Now, he was working
a job that he hated even more. A 9-to-5 desk job in a cubicle,
where he crunched numbers on his computer. The only reason
that he kept this job was because the pay was pretty good,
and he didn’t have to do a lot. Despite the fact that
he still felt he was doing something useless, he had given
up the idea of trying to live his dream, and just tried to
live period.
There had been two incidents over the past three years, that
Seth still tried to forget about, but they haunted his dreams.
The first was coming home one day after football practice
to find that his dad was nowhere to be found. Going into the
backyard, Seth saw a ladder propped against a tree, right
underneath a power line. Seth saw Nate, standing next to the
tree, preparing to ascend to his death. Seth couldn’t
let this happen, so he ran to his father and tackled him down.
He called the paramedics and they took Nate to the hospital.
There, he proclaimed his anger at his son, and said, “You
should have let me fucking die! I can’t deal with this,
I can’t deal with you!”
Eventually, after getting out of the hospital, he tried once
again. This time, he waited until he knew that his son was
going to be out of the house for a few hours, and he tied
a cord to the curtain rod in the bathroom and tried to hang
himself from it. However, the rod broke while he was hanging
there, and he was knocked out when he landed heavily. When
Seth came home later that evening, he found his father, still
alive, still unconscious, and once again got the paramedics
to come. This time his father, once he had been revived, thanked
his son, and told him, “Seth…I’m sorry about
all this…about everything. While I was hanging there;
hanging onto life as it were, I got a sort of vision…from
Carol. She told me that eventually everything would be ok,
but I had to stick with it. I know she’s right, and
I know that we can make it through this now. I just need you
to be as strong as you have been.” This brought tears
from both of them, and they had been closer since.
However, Nate still wasn’t happy. They had never found
Carol’s killer, and this thought of despair still lead
to him drink his problems away. Every time he would drink,
he would find fault with his son, and beat him, or throw things
at him, or just verbally abuse him. It was a wonder that with
all this, Seth was still able to remain a pretty decent human
being.
So, as Seth drove back along the highway towards his house,
it was with mixed feelings of despair, worry, and anger. Anger
that his father couldn’t snap out of his problems and
be a real father, the way that he used to be.
Seth was still about three or four blocks away from his house
when he saw someone running. He looked kind of familiar, and
as he slowed down to look, the runner looked at him too, showing
his face. Realizing it was Corey Silver, and that he looked
more upset that he’d ever seen him, Seth slowed down
to talk to him.
Corey was not a fan of Seth in any way, so he kept running,
going faster now to try and get away. Seth, not understanding
what was going on, and really only trying to help, decided
to be a little more forceful. He sped up again, got in front
of Corey, and then used his car to block his path. He turned
off the car and got out. Core was looking at him angrily,
still with tears streaming down his face.
“What the fuck do you want?” Corey said to Seth.
Seth was taken aback; he’d never, in the 12 or so years
of going to school with Corey, known him to swear. “Dude,
chill…I just wanted to see what’s wrong, it’s
obvious that you’re upset.” Corey looked at him
and said quite snappishly, “Why do you fucking care
if I look upset? You’re just a dumb jock, what do you
know about real problems? You are the last person I want to
see right now!” Really, he was the second-last, but
Corey didn’t feel the need to share this information.
Seth was turning red in the face. His anger at being told
that he was just another dumb jock, who didn’t have
any problems was really too much. Everyone knew about the
divorce, but no one knew at all about his father’s problems.
And since half of the people they went to school with had
divorced parents, Corey hadn’t thought it was a big
enough problem for Seth to even try to understand what he
was going through.
“You don’t know me at all! You don’t know
what the fuck I’ve been through! How is it up to you
to decide how I feel?” Seth practically shouted, tears
welling up in face thinking about the past few days, this
last summer, and all the problems he’d faced since his
aunt had died. “You can’t…you don’t
know what I’ve been through, so for you to judge me
like that…” Seth couldn’t finish his sentence,
he was crying too hard now.
Corey looked on shocked. He’d never seen this display
of emotion from anyone like Seth before. He’d always
looked so in-control, so calm, so cool…he couldn’t
even begin to imagine what the other boy was thinking. He
felt bad for what he’d said, but he still didn’t
want to talk to Seth. Of all people, Seth would understand
his problems the least. So, trying to be as polite as possible
he said, “Listen, I’m sorry for what I said, I
shouldn’t have been so quick to judge you it’s
just…well, it’s not as if you haven’t been
an asshole in the past. Hell, you’ve pretty much been
nothing but an asshole to everyone who isn’t ‘cool
enough’ to be in your clique. I’m not trying to
be rude, but I don’t like you. I don’t respect
you. I don’t think I have anything in common with you.
And, I’m okay with that. I’m happy not really
knowing you, and you’ve been more than happy staying
with your group of friends. Let’s keep it that way.”
Corey started to walk off, but Seth grabbed him by the arm.
He wasn’t hurting him, but he wanted Corey to at least
listen to what he said. “You know what? I probably deserve
that, but what if I want to change? What if I want us to be
friends? You haven’t exactly given me a chance to try
to get to know you…” Corey looked at him, pityingly
and said, without much emotion, “I don’t need
to. I know exactly what kind of person you are. And that’s
more than enough for me to know to stay away from you. Good-bye
Seth…” And he walked away.
Seth didn’t understand. All he was trying to do was
be nice by asking Corey what was wrong. He started to doubt
himself. “Am I really an asshole like he says? Do I
really make people feel that way about me?” he asked
himself. He slowly got back into his car and continued on
his way home, feeling much the worse for his run-in with Corey.
Seth dried his face off with the towel that he keeps in his
gym bag for football practice before he walked into his house.
He didn’t want his father to know that he’d been
crying. He reached the front door, and heard the familiar
sounds of the television. How normal it seemed, coming home
to a father watching some tv. But he knew that by now, his
father would be on at least beer number seven, and probably
down half a mickey of vodka…straight. Seth opened the
door quietly, turning the door handle slowly, and pushing
it until there was enough space for him to walk in. He closed
the door behind him and walked into the living room. There
was his father, semi-conscious; sitting slumped on the couch,
plastered in front of the television.
Nate grunted at the presence of his son. “What tooky
oo slong boy?” he slurred. “Dad, you know that
I have tutoring after school on Wednesdays and Fridays. I
just got held up a bit longer than usual trying to help this
one kid with his math problems,” Seth said, keeping
his voice level, so as not to betray how upset he was with
the condition his father was in.
Nate used to be a good looking guy. He kept himself fit,
hey ate healthy, and he took pride in his physical appearance.
He had dressed a bit like a farmer back then, being from Alberta,
and he often wore plaid shirts and even a Stetson every now
and then, and he had a nice goatee as well. He had been such
a handsome man, and his ‘almost Southern-drawl’
like voice had certainly attracted much attention when he
was younger, including that of Seth’s mom. But now,
in his present condition, Nate needed a shower, a haircut,
and a shave. He was wearing the same ragged pair of jeans
he’d worn for a few days now, and a shirt that looked
as if it had been used to clean up mud from the floor. His
hair was long and shaggy, and fairly unkempt, and his body
odor had started to come across through his clothing. The
only reason he was able to keep his job with this ragged appearance
was because he did do a good job, and his bosses all felt
sorry for him. But Seth wasn’t sure how much longer
that was going to last.
Nate looked up at the boy and practically screamed with rage.
“I don’t fuckin’ care what chu been doin’.
I telly oo to be here for fuckin’ four clock, theny
oo betta fuckin’ be here for fuckin’ four clock!”
Seth kept himself calm, it was difficult, but he kept the
pain and sadness out of his voice as he said, “Dad,
I’m really sorry, it won’t happen again…”
His dad looked at him in disgust. “That’s too
righty oo won’ta! Now, get tha fuck outta here before
I beat your assb oy!” Seth hurried out of the room,
his eyes stinging. It pained him to see his dad like this,
but there wasn’t anything he felt he could do about
it. He went to the kitchen to start making dinner. It was
something he was expected to do every night, but Seth didn’t
actually mind, he loved cooking, and it took his mind off
his feelings.
His cell buzzed, and he grabbed the sidekick he’d bought
himself awhile ago, and clicked it on. “Hey Jules, what’s
up?” He kept his voice sounding upbeat, and he thought
he’d tricked her. “Okay, you always were the worst
liar in history,” she responded, “what are you
trying to hide? Seriously, I’m getting a little sick
of you not trusting me with things…” Seth felt
bad for not telling Julie; they were best friends after all,
and he had just dropped one bombshell on her that she took
really well, but he just didn’t feel like this was something
he was ready to talk about. “Okay, you’re right,
I’m not exactly in the best mood right now,” he
started, “but I really don’t feel like talking
about this. I promise that I’ll tell you as soon as
I’m ready, but until then, I need you to understand.”
She hesitated a second, but decided against pushing the subject.
“Ok, just promise me that eventually, when you feel
up to it, you’ll tell me what’s going on. You
know, after the other day, there’s obviously nothing
I can’t handle, and Scott’s the same. He actually
even told me that he respects you even more for being brave
enough to come out to us…he’s really proud of
you!” Seth smiled at this. It was something he needed;
to hear that his friends were still definitely okay with him.
“Yeah, don’t worry, I do promise to tell you.
It’s just…I’m not ready to talk about this
yet. But, how about dinner on Friday at Dock’s? You,
Scott, and I…we always have a great time there. Remember
the time we honestly got drunk on virgin Daiquiris?”
Julie laughed lightly, “Are you kidding me? The waitress
was wondering whether or not to take Scott’s keys, but
when she saw that all that we had had were virgins she just
thought we were nuts! Friday is definitely on, I can’t
wait. And make sure you stay out of trouble, alright? I need
you to be able to talk to us on Friday! I love you, and I’ll
see you there!”
Seth hung-up the phone, and continued making their dinner.
He put half of it on a plate for his father, and brought it
out to him in the living room. The tv. was still on, but his
father had fallen asleep in his drunken stupor. Seth placed
the plate on a tv. tray in front of the man, and went back
to the kitchen to eat his share.
When Seth had finished eating, he went up to his room and
tried to focus on doing his homework. But his mind was just
not in it, and for some reason, he felt himself being drawn
to the river. He just felt the urge to drive out to the
waterfront. He snuck out of his room and went downstairs.
Seeing that the plate of food was empty, the tv. was off
and his dad was asleep again, Seth crept out the door and
into his car. He put the top back up, noting that it had
gotten colder, and grabbed his favourite Bench sweater from
the backseat. Throwing it on, he got in the driver’s
seat and started up the engine, feeling content for the
first time since coming home, the hum of the engine reminding
him of the presence of his mother in his life. He put on
his iPod through the car’s stereo system, and turned
on his favourite All-American Rejects song. He liked the
beat and the lyrics were so reminiscent of his own life.
He pulled out of the driveway and made his way downtown.
Finally arriving at the mall, he parked by the Galaxy Cinemas
at the mall parking lot, turned off the car and the music,
and got out of the car, locking it. He walked away from
the mall, towards the boardwalk and the river. Looking across
the water, he could see the buildings of the city with the
same name, but a completely different country. He noted
that there were more US flags flying from two or three buildings
on the other side of the river, than there are Canadian
flags on his side altogether. “Ha, that’s patriotism
for you…” He laughed to himself.
Seth started walking along the boardwalk towards the marina.
He didn’t know why exactly, but something there was
pulling him towards it. As he got closer, he noticed that
there was only one car in the lot, a metallic blue Jeep
that he recognized from school, but he couldn’t think
of whose it was. As he kept walking towards the marina,
he saw a figure at the end of the boardwalk, their silhouette
making a strange shape with the railing at the edge of the
walkway. In a flash, Seth knew exactly what was happening,
the person, whoever it was, was standing on the far side
of the railing. The side directly above the cold water of
the fast moving St. Mary’s.
Seth had no idea how he had been drawn there, but he knew
exactly why. This person was about to commit suicide! There
was no way that Seth could let this happen, whether or not
he actually knew the person, or if he even liked whoever
it was, Seth had endured too much death in his lifetime
to allow another person to end one more. He ran quickly
to the end of the boardwalk, until he was within a few feet
of whoever it was; it was still too dark out for him to
see, all he could tell was that it was a guy.
“Please don’t do this…it’s not
the right answer. Whatever problems you have, we can sort
them out…please don’t let go!” Seth pleaded,
hoping that the person would heed his warning. Then he heard
a response, in a strangely familiar voice. “You don’t
know me! You don’t have any idea what I’m going
through. Just leave me alone, to do this one last thing
in peace!” Suddenly it came to him. “Corey,
please don’t jump, you mean too much to too many people.
What about your parents? What about Lauren? Not to mention
everyone in the world who enjoys your show…including
me!”
Corey was shocked to realize that it was Seth once again.
He didn’t understand why this guy just wouldn’t
leave him alone. But as he thought about what Seth had said,
he realized he was right. He couldn’t just leave his
parents, or Lauren…not like this. Not because of Kyle.
Corey deserved better than someone like that, and he deserved
a better farewell than letting Kyle get the best of him.
He slowly drew back from the edge, and made his way back
over the railing.
Corey was lifting his right leg over the wooden railing
when he heard a horrifying sound. The snapping of wooden
planks beneath his feet! With a look of sheer horror on
his face, Corey began falling into the rushing water below.
He just managed to grab hold of the railing with one hand
before he was all the way in, but he knew he couldn’t
hold on for long. The water was much colder than he would
have expected, and it was sapping every last bit of energy
from his body. He knew he was going to die, and he realized
this really wasn’t how he wanted to go.
Seth reacted almost instantly and used his football training
to tackle the railing next to him, and brake off a shaft
of wood about a meter long. He held the pole with both hands,
and slowly lowered it to within reach of Corey, whose face
was slowly turning blue. “Hold on Corey! I’m
not going to let you go like this!” He yelled, hoping
Corey was still conscious enough to hear and understand.
Corey was almost at the point of losing consciousness when
the pole was finally within his grasp. With a big lunge,
he reached out, but he missed the pole. He was able to hold
on to the railing again, but there was not way he was going
to be able to try again; he just didn’t have the strength.
He had never been a good swimmer, and the thought of drowning
terrified him.
Seth realized that the pole wasn’t going to work,
so he remembered his NLS training, and began tearing off
his clothes. With just his boxers left, he jumped to the
edge of the railing. There was no way even he could beat
the current with an undertow as strong as this one, he only
had one chance to grab Corey. Taking a deep breath, Seth
wrapped his legs around one of the remaining wooden posts
of the railing, and let his torso drop down into the icy
water. Immediately, he started losing strength. Fighting
to stay afloat in the current, he reached out and grabbed
Corey’s hand, just as he was letting go. With a great
effort, he was able to grab Corey’s other hand as
well, and started to pull. He heard creaking from behind
him, and he realized that this part of the banister was
also going to break. He had to move quickly if he was going
to save Corey, and also himself.
Using all the strength he could muster, he pulled himself
back up to the boardwalk, still holding on to both of Corey’s
hands. Corey was now unconscious. With one last great pull,
he was able to heave them both back onto the walkway. Fighting
against the cold setting in, Seth tried to remember his
mouth-to-mouth training. Knowing that help would take too
long to get there, he was the only chance that Corey had.
Seth placed his mouth against Corey’s, and was shocked
by how cold they were. Scared as hell, he began filling
Corey’s lungs with air, and listening to see if it
had worked. He heard nothing, and Corey still wasn’t
breathing on his own. So Seth tried again, breathing his
own air into Corey’s lungs. Again and again he did
this, praying that he wasn’t too late. Just when he
was about to give up hope, Corey coughed, and spluttered,
and a mouthful of water was spat out. Seth was so relieved,
and he picked Corey up and pulled the other boy to him,
trying to warm them both up. Corey was delirious, but alive,
and the warmth of the other boy’s body was helping.
Corey knew that there was still a good chance that Corey
would get hypothermia, and knowing he wasn’t far from
the hospital, he scooped Corey up into his arms, grabbed
his clothes, and ran for his car. He tossed his clothes
in the backseat, and laid Corey down on top of them, trying
to make a sort of bed. He jumped into the driver’s
seat, and without putting on his seatbelt, he took off,
like a bat out of hell.
They made it to the hospital in record time, and he again
grabbed Corey out of the backseat. He saw that he was shivering
fiercely and made a mad dash into the emergency room. The
nurse at the front desk took one look at the boys, one of
whom was clearly still turning blue, and said, “Take
him to floor three right now, I’ll have a nurse ready
to receive him as soon as you get there! Run!” Not
stopping for a millisecond, Seth did exactly as she said,
and was relieved to see not only a nurse ready for them,
but also a doctor, and a bed. He laid Corey down on the
bed, and as he was wheeled away by the doctor, his heart
slowed down for the first time since he’d seen a mysterious
figure at the end of the boardwalk.
After pulling on his clothes once again, and parking his
car in the visitor’s lot, Seth made his way back into
the hospital. He went back up to the third floor, and sat
in the waiting room. After about 20 minutes, Corey's parents
arrived, wrought with panic and worry. He barely had time
to point them in the direction of his room before they were
off again, without so much as a whisper. Seth couldn’t
help but worry about Corey, after all, he admired him so
much, and despite their earlier argument, he felt that they
had so much in common, he almost felt as though he needed
the other boy. The time in the waiting room seemed to snail
by, and every time a doctor or a nurse would walk by, he
would look up hoping to hear good news. But each one would
just continue walking down the hallway, and Seth would continue
to wait.
It was almost three o’clock in the morning by the
time someone came to get him. A very pretty nurse, in her
mid twenties came to get Seth, smiling at him. “Thanks
to your efforts young man, Mr. Silver is going to be just
fine, although he is quite shaken up, as anyone would. His
parents would like to speak with you, and Corey himself
specifically asked that you to come see him.” She
smiled at him again, and led him to Corey’s room.
“I’ll leave you guys alone, but only for ten
minutes. He is recovering from quite a traumatizing experience,
and he needs his sleep, ok?” Seth agreed and walked
into the room, a little awkwardly…he wasn’t
sure how to feel.
Seth was looking at his feet and didn’t look up until
he got to the bed. Slowly he raised his eyes to see Corey’s
face, a more-or-less normal colour, but very shaken up.
Corey smiled at Seth, and for some unknown reason, this
one smile made his heart jump. “You saved my life,”
Corey said simply, “…you saved my life after
everything that I said. I guess that means that I don’t
know what I’m talking about. If you had been who I
thought you were, you wouldn’t have done even half
the things you did for me.” The smile that had been
on his face disappeared slowly. “I owe you an explanation,
but I’m just not ready to give one yet. I just need
some time to think things over. I want you to know though,
that I’m so grateful for you being there for me, and
I’m sorry for everything I said…” A single
tear escaped his eye, and somehow, in his soul, Seth knew
exactly what Corey had been through. It was something like
what he himself had been through this past summer. He didn’t
need to say anything; he just reached out and grasped the
other boy’s hand in his. They smiled softly at each
other, knowing that they had both misjudged the other, and
Corey gradually fell asleep, still holding Seth’s
hand. When the nurse did come back, she was with Corey’s
parents who thanked Seth for doing what he did for their
son. He felt a little awkward around them, but said that
he would return to visit soon. The nurse felt awful for
asking Seth to leave; there was never a good time to bring
bad news, but the sooner the better, and it was important
that Seth not be there to hear…
Okay guys, once again life continues to get in the way of
my writing. I'm VERY sorry for the delay. On top of that,
I'm sure you've noticed that there was no sex in this part.
Well, don't worry, the next part is already mostly written,
and there is more sex in it than in every other part so far,
I just had to tell this part of the story first. I'm hoping
to have it posted within a month or so, but we all know I'm
very bad for that, so let's cross our fingers that nothing
else gets in the way. And, as always, comments and ideas are
strongly encouraged. Thanks guys, and I hope you enjoyed!
Brad.
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